Food Log: 01.07.09

It seems I am undoing the damage that my Christmas splurge and wagon jumping did pretty quickly. I am within 2 pounds of losing what I had gained back. Awesome!

I rocked the food consumption pretty freaking hard today. Points are low and the quality of food is high. I want to stay on this track. It feels good. It feels right.

My goal is to employ a no excuses, non-negotiable policy towards exercise. I will do it no matter what. I have seen what lying around on my butt for 2 weeks will do and I don't like it. So from now on, there will be no more excuses. The holidays are over and it is go time. I intend to walk tonight and throw in some more jogging.

I hope I can fix my computer tonight so I can add my playlist and update with how much walking/jogging I have done.

ETA: I walked/jogged last night. I did another total 3.5 miles (.5 jogging). Why didn't anyone tell me how incredible jogging makes you feel? I'm only doing half a mile now. I can't wait until I am a real jogger, able to do at least a mile at a stretch. That might blow my mind.

And I want to extend a very special welcome to all newbie visitors from the Biggest Loser Blog Edition challenge. I've got computer problems, but as soon as they are fixed I will make the rounds and check all of y'all out. This is exciting. I am amped for this challenge and I can't wait to root you all on. Go Team Angie! We are SO gonna win. I can feel it.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: light & fit carb & sugar control yogurt [1] *dannon*	1
b: bran buds [2/3 cup] *all bran*	2
l: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
l: sauteed snap peas & carrots [6 oz]	4
l: lemon flavored rice [5 oz] *central market*	4
s: 100 calorie kettle corn [1 bag] *jolly time*	2
d: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
d: smart & delicious tortillas [1] *latortilla factory*	1
d: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	21

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Food Log: 01.06.09

It feels like life is returning to normal now. I have my routine back and staying on track isn't as hard as it was during the holidays. I've planned well and I think my daily points totals are really reflecting that level of control.

I intend to walk tonight. I am posting the food log early because I am having computer problems at home.

ETA: I did walk last night. I did 3.5 miles total and jogged for at least half a mile of that. I really pushed myself and I am feeling it today. I am soooore! But I love it. I understand why people are out there on holidays and in inclement weather. It gives you such a high.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: light & fit carb & sugar control yogurt [1] *dannon*	1
b: bran buds [2/3 cup] *all bran*	2
l: vegetarian chili [1 bowl] *boca*	3
l: spicy squash casserole [5 oz] *central market*	6
s: garlic & herb crackers [9 crackers] *all bran*	1
s: light swiss cheese [1 wedge] *laughing cow*	1
s: garlic & herb crackers [18 crackers] *all bran*	2
d: smart & delicious tortillas [1] *latortilla factory*	1
d: spicy chik'n patty [1] *boca*	3
d: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	23

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Biggest Loser: Work Edition

I signed up to do a Biggest Loser challenge at work. Today was the initial weigh in.

The good news is that there is only a .3 difference between the scale we will use and the one I have at home. So, I will have a pretty good idea of what each weigh in will show before I actually step on the scale. I feel like I will have inside information.

It took a lot of courage for me to trust the person recording our weights. I am probably the fattest contestant in the challenge. Knowing that and still stepping on the scale for another human being to see that number was tough. But I did it, because I want the extra motivation to keep losing. I also maybe want to win one of the cash prizes. The top 3 losers take a percentage of the total pot - 1st gets 50%, 2nd gets 30%, 3rd gets 20%. The pot is starting out at something like $850. I think I have a real shot at it because I've been doing this so long and most people are just starting out.

The next weigh in is on January 16th. If I gain weight, then I owe the pot $1 per pound. If I don't weigh, then I owe the pot $1. I won't be adding to the pot at all. I can guarantee that.

I'm exicted.

Food Log: 01.05.09

Today was a return to normal. I ate a little lower in points that I wanted to but I am full and not feeling deprived; so I am going with it. I feel a little more in control after yesterday's binge and reporting that I've gained weight back that I'd already lost.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: light & fit carb & sugar control yogurt [1] *dannon*	1
b: bran buds [2/3 cup] *all bran*	2
l: pasta rustica w/ portobello mushrooms [7 oz] *central market*	5
l: green beans w/ sun dried tomatoes [7 oz] *central market*	4
l: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
d: smart & delicious tortillas [1] *latortilla factory*	1
d: spicy chik'n patty [1] *boca*	3
d: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	21

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

WSR: Weight 291.4 - Weight Left To Lose 121.4

Height: 5'7"
Age: 40

Starting Weight: 370 lbs
Goal Weight: 170 lbs

Current Weight: 291.4 lbs
Pounds Lost: 78.6 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 121.4 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 21.24%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 39.30%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 45.6
BMI Lost: 12.3

I skipped last week's Weekly Stats Report because I had just come off of 2 days of indulgence at Christmas and it was that time of the month. There was no way I was going near a scale.

And I didn't walk much at all in the past 2 weeks. It was like I was returning to my former sedentary ways. That stops NOW! I WILL walk each day.

So this WSR isn't as much fun as all of the others have been because I freaking gained weight back. :smacks self upside head: I am back at 291.4 after getting down to 284.2. :smacks self upside head again for good measure:

But I swore that this blog would be an open and honest account of my weight loss efforts. I can't be open and honest if I only report the good stuff. There will be hard times and I have to own up to them. So, there it is - I gained weight back.

Okay, now down to business. I have 2 Biggest Loser challenges coming up. I have one at work that starts tomorrow (cash pot for the top 3 losers) and I am also doing the Biggest Loser Blog Edition that starts on Sunday. So, I have plenty of motivation to get my ass in gear. No excuses!

I Am Not A Diet Failure

I'm an emotional eater.

I can remember using food, specifically Butterfinger candy bars, as an emotional crutch as early as age 8. I would buy them at the YMCA after swim class on Saturday, stash them in my closet and then devour them in secret when the need arose. The need arose a lot.

Today has been really emotional for me. I have come to the realization that a relationship that I thought existed didn't because the other person is too ashamed to admit that there is something going on despite nearly a year of getting closer and closer. My weight loss to date be damned. The shallow opinions of mere acquaintances (not even real friends) means more to him than I do. It has been tough to deal with that realization. It is the denial of our friendship that hurts the most because that is what I had the most faith in. The worst part of it all is that he seems to believe that I should be okay with this arrangement, ready to pick up where we left off when it is convenient and safe for him to do so as if I am so deaf, dumb and blind that I wouldn't notice.

So I fell off the wagon big time! Well I didn't exactly fall off the wagon. It was more like asking the driver to pull over to the side of the road, come to a complete stop and allow me the chance to get off and make a well planned visit with old friends while waiting for me to come back and resume the trip.

I ate a HUGE breakfast. I don't mean slightly larger than normal, but a full on gorge fest. I ate meat (two kinds - bacon and chorizo). I ate eggs. I ate a whole lot of cheese. It was not pretty at all.

I slipped up. I fell down. Now it is time to pick myself back up again and forgive myself because it wasn't the first time and it certainly won't be the last.

I am re-reading PastaQueen's book, Half-Assed. When I read it the first time (around my 50th pound lost) I knew I would re-read it periodically in order to gain new perspective based on where I currently was in my own journey to lose half of me. Today was the perfect day to read the "I Should Know Better By Now" chapter. In it, she talks about planning to make and over indulge in muffins and feeling self disgust after she'd done it. But then she goes on to talk about how she isn't perfect:

I wasn't a 100 percent perfect dieter. No one was. If I fell out of bed, I wouldn't call myself a failure at sleeping. I'd get up and make a note to sleep toward the middle of the bed. My mother liked to say I was a work in progress. It was hard to progress if you were always perfect.

I am not a diet failure. In previous attempts at weight loss I've always been a diet quitter. But if I never quit, then I can never fail because failing is simply a result of giving up.

And in yet another bit of timely confirmation, Denise @ It's Not a Diet, It's a Weigh of Life... had a post today called Walking the Tight Rope.

In the WW meeting, we also talked about walking the "tight rope of weight loss" where you feel like you have to walk this narrow line of a diet and keep on plan, because if you fall off you just fall off completely and never get back on. Our leader stated that sometimes, you just got to get off the tight rope and take a different path worth walking that isn't so narrow and restrictive.

In the past that was me to a fault. I only saw that narrow line and didn't realize that there were different paths to be trod. So when I inevitably fell I would believe that I had to abandon it all because I hadn't been perfect. That isn't so this time. I don't feel this enormous pressure to stick to the thin line of perfectionism that so often fades because we can't even get near enough to see it properly. I know that I will mess up and I have to be okay with that. I can always start again.

I WILL start again.

Jogging: My Memory

I did something today that was extraordinary. I walked 5.5 miles. Well, that is not exactly accurate. You see, I walked 5 miles and jogged half a mile.

I jogged!

Me, the woman who sat on the couch a year ago and thought that gastric bypass surgery was my only hope actually jogged!

Me, the woman who didn't want to walk around the corner to the bus stop every day so much that she took cabs to and from work actually jogged!

To be honest, I've not been all that satisfied with the lack of a challenge that walking has been bringing me lately. I wanted something more, something that would push me like walking used to do. When I started walking I felt like I was climbing a mountain every day, like I had achieved something. Now it is merely exercise. I do it, but I am not straining to do it anymore. It has become almost too easy. I'm up to doing 3 miles in an hour.

So I ran a Google search on how to start jogging. It seemed simple enough:

• start out walking for at least 5 minutes
• start jogging and only do as much as you can without feeling like you can't breathe
• stop and resume walking until your breathing returns to a normal rhythm
• repeat the process over and over

I confess that the half a mile did not happen all at once. It came in short spurts along with the regular walking routine. When I neared the end of each jog, my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest it was beating so rapidly. I've never pushed myself so much (relax, I wasn't killing myself, merely pushing myself past the point I've ever been before). I remember praying for God to give me strength. I also questioned my sanity more than a few times along the way. Who willingly puts themselves through this ordeal? It is truly frightening. I suppose the most frightening bit is that I not only plan to do it again tomorrow night and beyond, I also sort of liked it.

Who IS this woman inside me? She is one tough cookie.

Food Log: 01.03.08

Splurge Saturday was indeed a splurge day. I ate that much food. I admit it. Wait until you see what tomorrow will bring, today will look like a light day.

I did walk today, but the tale of that deserves a post all its own.

food	ww points
l: tortilla chips [1 basket] *chachos*	9
l: guacamole [6 oz] *chachos*	6
l: bean & cheese tacos [2] *chachos*	14
s: skinny vanilla latte [grande] *starbucks*	3
d: vegetable egg roll [1] *central market*	5
d: orzo w/ garden vegetables [5 oz] *central market*	4
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	42

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Food Log: 01.02.09

Wow!  Today was so easy.  I ate fewer points than I had thought I had but I was eating all day.  Strange.

Tomorrow is my favorite day of the week - Splurge Saturday!  I eat whatever I want that is still lacto-vegetarian, but use all of my allotted daily WW points and maybe a few extra.  I plan on going in to work and getting a jump start on an insanely busy week next week, so the splurging will probably be mostly a breakfast meal.

So, how has 2009 been treating everyone thus far?

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [2 - 16 oz] *central market*	2
b: light & fit carb & sugar control yogurt [1] *dannon*	1
b: bran buds [2/3 cup] *all bran*	2
l: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
l: greek pasta salad [5 oz] *central market*	3
l: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: bosc pear [1]	2
s: garlic & herb crackers [18] *all bran*	2
s: light swiss cheese [1 wedge] *laughing cow*	1
d: couscous w/ spinach & feta [5 oz] *central market*	3
d: sauteed snap peas & carrots [5 oz] *central market*	3
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	23

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Food Log: 01.01.09

Don't you just love New Years? It brings such a feeling of renewal and commitment. Of course I have been committed to escaping from the prison of fat for 6 months now and it is all very much a routine. But I still feel reenergized with the idea of a brand new year and all of the potential things I can do.

Day 1 of 2009 was a good one. I ate a little more than I wanted to points-wise, but still within my daily alloted 34 WW points. I also managed to get in a 1.25 mile walk. My goal this year is to get in some exercise every day. It may not be a lot, but moving at all is a good thing. I must make exercise a non-negotiable priority in my daily routine.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *empire cafe*	1
b: toasted english muffin [1] *empire cafe*	3
b: cream cheese [2 tbsp] *empire cafe*	2
b: fresh fruit [1 cup] *empire cafe*	2
l: smart & delicious tortillas [1] *latortilla factory*	1
l: spicy chik'n patty [1] *boca*	3
l: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: apple [1 large]	2
s: garlic & herb crackers [18] *all bran*	2
s: light swiss cheese [1 wedge] *laughing cow*	1
d: vegetable lasagna [1 square] *central market*	9
d: wilted spinach [4 oz] *central market*	2
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	30

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.