Friday, January 14, 2011

Pulling Myself Back From The Brink

This week has been hard to maintain my even keel on the diet track on a physical level.  Emotionally I am good.  Nearly everything is pretty rosy.  I would rate myself about an 80 on the happiness scale.

Yet physically the cold and dreary days of the past week have been kicking my ass.  It has to do with Seasonal Affective Disorder which I was diagnosed with when I was a child.  I do acknowledge I have it but through sheer hard headed stubbornness I fight against it.
Symptoms of SAD may consist of difficulty waking up in the morning, morning sickness, tendency to oversleep as well as to overeat, and especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain. Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities.
When the freaks in this country are celebrating the clock rolling back to Standard Time in the fall I am about to lose it because I know I am going to be Emo Girl Walking for months until the first of the Spring like weather returns to Houston.  Thank the Good Lord above that I live in this city because we don't experience true winters.  But what we do get is enough to send me over the edge.

I have been teetering on the brink of that edge all week long.  I haven't gone over it, but I have only just been holding on.  The cravings have been especially fierce.  I am not kidding when I say that I ache from wanting to stuff my face with bad crap that I KNOW I CANNOT EAT.  I haven't eaten any of it, but I have really been deeply longing for it.

Today was a vacation day so I have kept myself home in bed in the warmth of my apartment and away from the cold and the gray skies.  It has helped.  I feel in control right now.  I feel like I can breathe a little bit.

Weather Underground has been jacking with me promising rising temperatures all week but took all that back today and the forecast calls for more of the same.  Oh joy!  I know there are much bigger problems in this world, but for the purposes of my diet and my plans this has really been my own special torment.  I feel like my inner Seymour is constantly crying out to Feed Me! and he never shuts up.

I don't want anyone to think that any of the above means I am in a dark place because I am not.  All is pretty good.  This, too, shall pass.  I just have to hang in there until it does.  Thanks for listening.

As for blogland I hope to get out and about and actually return the commenting love that y'all have heaped on me this week.  It has been read and appreciated and some have made me chuckle quite a bit.  You guys rock!


Tammy said...

Dating this summer, woohoo!

Sorry to hear about how the winter and SAD is affecting you. Yeah, I don't think you would like Seattle in the winter all that well. I mean really, where is the sun? I don't mean to make light, seriously. Have you ever tried any light therapy? I don't know if that sort of thing works, maybe it does for some and not others.

You're being stronger than I think most could or would be. Hope you have a great weekend.

Digger said...

I am in Portland, OR for the month, where it rains constantly, so I know what you are saying. I live in the desert in Arizona, where there is virtully constant sunshine, and it is hard to be here in the damp and cold and darkness. I have experienced some of the same challenges you are facing, and it IS hard when the cloudy days press upon you.

This too shall pass. Stay strong, and do your best. And remember: the best is yet to come.

Princess Dieter said...

Girl, I'm getting ready to start an activist group to stop the damn food ads on TV and internet streaming. I'm doing fine until I sit down and here come the assorted food bombs. The pizza ones always leave me a bit shaky. OH MAN...

It will pass. YOu'll be strong....

Karen Butler Ogle said...

My disorder is seasonal too. Have you tried a full-spectrum lamp? I'm using a full-spectrum bulb in a regular lamp but in a couple of weeks I will invest in a real SAD lamp. I've heard it can make a real difference.

Anonymous said...

I have the same problem, although I haven't been diagnosed. I feel much happier when I wake up in the morning, look out the window and the sun is shining!

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