Friday, December 31, 2010

2010: A Years End & A Look Back

As this year's final hours and minutes wind down I thought it would be fun to look back at where I have been and where I am now.  I won't be writing a resolutions post because I don't make them.  I know what my goals are and none of them have anything to do with beginning or ending on New Year's day.

So, with that said, the following is a true story ...

I was miserable. All hope had been drained out of me and I was convinced that I was headed for the grave as a super morbidly obese person.  Then I found PastaQueen's blog.  It seemed incredible to me that someone who had been as fat as I now was (370 lbs) could lose the weight on her own without magic pills or surgery. I grew inspired and began to have a small bit of faith that maybe I could do this. I had no idea how, but since Jennette had done it then it was possible!  I wish there was some way I could repay her for that glimmer of hope because it rested in my mind, reminding me that someone had done this incredibly hard thing, until I was able to put my belief in the possible into action.  Without her blog or her story I don't know if I would be where I am today.

2007 was the year that I bought the largest piece of clothing that I have ever had to wear - a pair of size 32 jeans that were still too tight for me to breathe.  These jeans were the death of my denial.  Prior to walking into that store on that day in October of 2007 I had tricked myself into believing that I hadn't gotten fatter.  I was still in a size 28.  Yet the clothes I wore were stretchy.  I had long ago given up on wearing real pants or skirts because they just weren't comfortable.  So it was soft, stretchy bottoms for me and soft comfortable t-shirts.

The annual departmental meeting had been scheduled.  Everyone from all over the country would travel to Houston for a week long face to face brainstorming session.  But we also had fun stuff to do too.  I had found a great activity for us to all play.  It was a scavenger hunt arranged by a local gaming company on the streets of our city.  We all were required to wear jeans and a company t-shirt.  I didn't have jeans because of all the clothes a fat person can't wear that is usually at or near the top of the list.  So when I went to buy some, grabbing a size 28 and tried them on I was horrified that they wouldn't even rise above my hips and stomach.  They stopped mid-thigh.  I thought it was a mistake.  I checked the tag.  Nope, they were the right size.  So I grabbed a size 30 and these would rise over my hips but no way could I zip them up.  The tears started to form but were held back by pride.  The jeans that fit (or would at least zip up) were a size 32 that had absolutely no shape or form other than being a possible replacement as a sail on a pirate's ship.  These pictures are from that day.  And as a fun fact, apparently super morbid obesity causes you not to be able to open your eyes for pictures.

2008 was the year that I wrecked my gallbladder, had it removed and "woke up" in a morbidly obese body on Thursday, June 18th. It was the year that changed everything. Sadly there isn't a lot of photographic evidence to the fact because I was still feeling such a sense of shame from the jeans and the surgeon that made me know that it was "a lot of work that wore me out" when he took out my gallbladder. But the two pictures I do have of earlier that year tell the story of a woman that was about to break. The expression on my face cannot be misread - I did not want my picture taken.  I was ashamed and uncomfortable with my body.

2008 was the year that changed everything, but 2009 was the year that I knew it! I came alive in 2009. I wanted things. I wanted to wear nicer clothes, fix my hair, buy designer shoes, start exercising, move into a better apartment, buy new furniture, come out of my shell and socialize... The list goes on. The start of all of the self confidence came when I had my first pictures taken since early 2008 and I SAW what everyone else had seen. I had lost weight. The diet was working.  The size 32 jeans were no longer so tight I couldn't breathe, they were baggy with lots of room to spare.

I began to love the camera a bit more than I had in past years.  In fact I had a lot of pictures taken last year.

And the size 32 jeans? Yeah, they got even bigger last year as I got smaller.

This year had its ups and downs. I had lost 40 lbs in the Spring, only to put them right back on because I turned to my old friend the refrigerator when the stress of dealing with DM wore me down. But I rebounded at the end of August determined to get my diet and my life back on track. On August 27th I took a vacation and vowed that I would use that time wisely to regroup and to stop the upward climb on the scale. I weighed 277 lbs. It was tough for a few days, but I did it. and returned to blogging after a year's hiatus.   Here I am in October.

Then I decided to give myself added incentive and joined the first phase of the Double Dog Dare Challenge and I haven't regretted that choice.  Allan takes a lot of crap for being blunt and not wrapping the truth in sweetness and light, but it is the truth and if you want to lose weight for real then you could do worse than to listen to him.  When I began the Challenge, I was 251, and it was that extra bit of motivation that I needed to get me through the diet killing holidays.  It worked!  As of the last weigh in I was 230.8 lbs and the last posted weight on this blog was 229.  What will I be on the last weigh in of the Spawn phase of the Challenge?  Stay Tuned!

Now, lets look at where I am today (or yesterday as that was when these were taken).

And I can't possibly end this year without an update on those size 32 jeans, now can I? Exactly how big have they gotten? Well when I put them on to take these pictures they fell right off. I no longer have anything to keep them up. My hips have been largely nipped and are now less than 1/2 the size they used to be.

If you are interested in seeing the entire story I have posted all of my pictures in albums by year on my Facebook profile.

Onward and Downward y'all!

2011 is when I get to goal.  How about you?  Wanna join me?

Spawn: Day 25

I had a quiet day at home today working on some projects. I'm thoroughly enjoying my staycation.  I uploaded all of my progress pictures to my Facebook account but will be posting an end of year status after taking care of today's business.

Today's calories are higher ar 1324 but I have plenty of room to play with due to the previous low calorie days this week. Fluids are in.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Spawn: Day 24

It was another easy low key day for the most part.  I did walk over to work and had my end of year pictures taken by a friend (to be posted tomorrow) and then made a trip to Central Market to pick up some dwindling staple items.

Today's calories are at 966 and fluids were in this morning.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Spawn: Day 23

There isn't much to report other than I switched my living room around again and am now happy with how it is laid out.  I'm heading back to the resale shop from whence the new chairs came from in two weeks to see about scoring some new dining room furniture and possibly a desk.

It has been a rainy and gloomy day today.  Thus I have sprouted roots and enjoyed a rather spud like position for much of the day.  On the plus side, it is rather easy to limit your calories consumed when you don't move much.

On a blog note: I had to remove the comments plug in I was using because it stopped working and am now using the default Blogger comments form again.

Today's calories are at 1009 and fluids are in.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Chairs

My friend Angella stunned me to me core by gifting me with a pair of absolutely gorgeous mid-century chairs that I really wanted for Christmas.  We stumbled upon this resale shop a week before and I fell in love at first sight with plans on going back in a few weeks to purchase them for myself.

They are in amazingly pristine condition.  The only wear and tear is on the legs with a few minor knicks that I kind of love because it adds a touch of character.

As promised, here are the pics:

Front View

Side View

Upholstery: Front

Upholstery: Back

Upholstery: Detail
I would have to say that this rates as the best Christmas gift I have ever received. It was both completely unexpected and overwhelming to say the least.  Thank you just doesn't seem to be enough.

A New Decade: Lower & Better Than Ever

Today, I woke up and saw this:

I haven't been in the 220s since a few years out of high school.

Thrilled, I am.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Spawn: Day 21

I moved into my place in April and I spent a few hours today unpacking the last of the boxes that have been lining my living room wall on a semi-permanent basis.  It feels good to finally get that done.  Other than that, I did diddly squat today.  I'm told that is what vacations (or staycations) are for.  So I am going with that.

Tomorrow I hope to get the monkey, that is my closet being cleaned out, off my back and rearrange my living room furniture.  I'll upload pictures of my new chairs when that is done.  They are so pretty.  I can't stop looking at them.  I love these chairs so much.

Today's calories are 792 and I drank my water as usual.

WSR: Weight 230.8 - Weight Left To Lose 60.8

Height: 5'7"
Age: 42

Starting Weight: 370.0 lbs
Goal Weight: 170.0 lbs

Current Weight: 230.8 lbs
Pounds Lost: 139.2 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 60.8 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 37.62%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 69.60%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 36.1
BMI Lost: 21.8

I'm 2 lbs down during TOM and Christmas week.  I will take that and do more than smile.

In the midst of vacation I have great plans for this week - projects to be done, books to be read and kicking the workouts up another notch.  C25K is in full swing and today is the start of the toughest week of the training plan thus far.  I plan on attacking it with intervals of 2:1 or 3:1 and see how it goes.

17 weeks back on plan and 46.2 lbs lost.
9 weeks on the DDDYC and 20.2 lbs lost.

Onward and Downward y'all!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Spawn: Day 20

I was away from home much of the day.

Coffee for breakfast.
Grilled Ahi Tuna (6 oz) and Grilled Zucchini/Yellow Squash (1/2 each) for lunch.
Multi Grain Waffles (2) and Peanut Butter (1 packet) for dinner.

The Sunday After Christmas

I am away from home at friend's house about to partake in some coffee.  Last night's dinner was sinfully good but I am now ready to finish what I started.

My weigh in for the challenge has been sent to Allan.  The weight I sent is the same as I weighed before last night's indulgent Christmas dinner so I am feeling really good about the work that I did last week especially considering I am smack dab in the middle of TOM.  The real loss hasn't even shown up yet.

My Christmas was wonderful.  I got up, did some laundry, got a light workout in and then came over to my friend Angella's house.  We hung out and then went to dinner.  After coming back to the house we hunkered down to watch both Elizabeth movies.  Midway through the first I got a surprise Christmas present that still has me gobsmacked.  On last week's post-church shopping trip we stopped in at a consignment shop to check it out.  It is one of those rare finds that is a goldmine of absolutely beautiful furniture.  There were two armless wingback chairs that were in tremendously good shape that I fell in love with on sight.  They were my Christmas present.  It turns out that they had one owner, were made in the 1950s and are covered in the original upholstery that is in pristine condition.  I was planning on going back next week and purchasing them.  I wanted these chairs.  How do you say thank you for a gift like that?  When I get back home and can charge my phone I will update this post with pictures.

How was your Christmas?  Did you stay on plan? 

I'm off to read some blogs and see how y'all are doing today.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Spawn: Day 19 (Christmas Edition)

Christmas dinner at Fogo De Chao.  It was wonderful and seemed sinful in diet terms.  Tomorrow I will begin that anew with no regrets.  This was a planned indulgence and I am ready to finish this journey and reach goal.

One trip to the salad bar yielded this - mostly green, mostly light and all in good portions.

2010-12-25 18.59.55

A selection of meats that were quite handy in size to have only the planned 3 bites per piece.  I had 5 different types of meats in all.  I left the restaurant full and satisfied, but not uncomfortably so.

2010-12-25 19.07.17

Merry Christmas To All

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.  Isaiah 9:6

I wish everyone a very merry Christmas.

And to all of y'all on the Challenge:  stay strong, drink your water and follow your plan.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Spawn: Day 18

I finished the day early and at lower than 1200 calories. This is in preparation for tomorrow. There will be no cakes or cookies or pies tomorrow on my plate. Bur I do plan on having a semi-indulgent meal complete with multiple selections of meat, polenta, vegetables and a glass of wine.  I have reservations for dinner at Fogo de Chao tomorrow evening at 7PM.

Calories for today are at 817. Water intake was done when the food was done.

C25K: Week 4, Day 3

Walking Training Log CardioTrainer just rocks my socks.  There were no issues with the app dying mid workout and the details it provides are outstanding.  I wish it would sync to DailyMile, but other than that it is perfect.

The training session itself was difficult.  There was a bit of a wind and the resistance was slowing me down.  I seemed to notice rounding the corners of the block I run on a lot today, and its never bothered me before.  I may throw in a few 3:1 intervals of running tomorrow at some point.  My motivation is still high but outside factors made this week inconsistent and not all that satisfying.

Week 5 looms and I am nervous.  That is a whole lot of running it is asking me to do.  How much of it will actually get done?  How much of it will I end up walking?  I'm about to find out!

Eve Of The Birth & Vacation Begins

I'm up.  Breakfast has been had.  Coffee is nearly down the hatch.  Today is the official start of my vacation.  I don't return to the cube until January 4th.

I'm feeling a tad bit better this morning than I did yesterday after getting a good night's sleep.

There are no real plans for today, but I do need soy milk and veggie sausage so a run (or walk) to Central Market is in order.  I'll probably stop by Walgreen's as well and pick up some Drano.  My hair is thick and curly and sheds like crazy because of the weight loss.  It wreaks havoc on my tub's drain.

Week 4, Day 3 of the C25K training is to be done this afternoon.

Other than that it will be a quiet, lazy day at home.

I hope y'all have a good one and that all of you last minute shoppers find what you need and aren't trampled or maimed in the process.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Spawn: Day 17

I'm tired and I'm crampy. I should be in better form on Saturday.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Spawn: Day 16

Today was just an out of whack kind of day all around.

I did good calorie wise.  I ate a little bit more because that week is now upon me and for the next 3 days especially I have to be careful to not eat too little or I will be spending Christmas in bed knocked on my ass.  Calories were still low (below goal weight).  I'm pleased.

The out of whackedness came in the friendly, chatty, in the Christmas spirit form of Difficult Man showing up at my desk with homemade cookies (that I turned down) and engaging in actual conversation about diet and health and fitness.  We share similar goals.  I'm still stunned and it happened hours ago.  The mood swings of DM never cease to amaze me. 

So I finish out my day, come home, changed clothes and head out to do my C25K training to end the week.  As I finished my first run the app crashed and set the clock to zero.  I make sure that nothing else is running thinking maybe this app needs to be the center of attention and doesn't want to share space with others.  I actually started the session again from scratch and halfway through it dies again.  Needless to say I was pissed.  I immediately deleted the app and a new one is on the phone and ready to be tried tomorrow when I attempt the day's run all over again.  So no C25K update from me today.  I managed to run for 9 minutes and walk for 12, so in addition to the mile I walked at work today it all makes this day not a total loss fitness wise.

Calories for today are at 1406. Water intake, per the usual, was done before leaving work.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Spawn: Day 15

I woke up in a crabby mood this morning because asshole neighbor decided that he was going to watch a movie and turn the volume way up on his speaker system.  This monumentally considerate decision woke me up at 1:40 AM and he had done the same thing Saturday night at 1:25 AM.  I can tolerate many, many things but if you mess with my sleep I will hurt you.  So first thing this morning I fired off an email to the Community Manager asking her to call me.  She did.  I related the history (he's been spoken to before by the Leasing person).  She was more than willing to call his butt down to the office to have a little chat about respect or he can seek other living arrangements.  So I am hoping to get a full night's sleep tonight.

Food was easy today.  I had a plan.  I stuck to it.

I managed to score some exercise at work (2 sets of 5 flights of stairs and a mile of walking) .  Thus, I aim to take it easy this evening and get some laundry done and hit the hay early to try to make up for last night's asswipery.

Calories for today are at 1187. Water intake, per the usual, was done before leaving work.

Monday, December 20, 2010

C25K: Week 4, Day 2

Walking Training Log Once again I walked in the door and didn't want to run.  Once again I changed clothes and got out there before the desire became lack of action.  I had rationalized a bit to myself that I had an extra day to play with - I could run Tuesday.  I didn't HAVE to run today.  But I knew that if I ran today then I could run Wednesday and then have an extra day to play with at the end of the week.

Every time I do this, play the "I can do it another day" card with myself I could be opening the door to "I can do it another week".  I don't want to do that.  I want to stick to the plan.  I want to run the 5K in January.  The only way I am ever going to be able to do that is to stick to the training plan and be consistent.

So, I ran.  Now, I am feeling good that I did it.  I feel proud.

Spawn: Day 14

It was a pretty standard day today.  No muss.  No fuss.

The only unusual thing that is seemingly turning into the usual these days is that I am waking up before the roosters.  All of this increased exercise, via running, is really screwing with my normal body clock.  It isn't a bad thing.  It is just a new thing and I prefer normality.

Not a day goes by at work that someone doesn't make a comment about how they didn't recognize me or that they wish they had my willpower.  "It isn't willpower" I tell them, "Its that I ask myself what I want more."  I want to be thin more than I want anything else in this world.  That is what gets me to pull on the sweats when I walk in the door and head outside to run or down to the fitness center to hit the treadmill.  That is what gets me to turn down the myriad of goodies that are littered throughout the office.

I was asked today if I wanted to start a group to keep folks accountable after New Year's.  I smiled, knowing that New Year's Day is just another day to me and said I would enjoy that.  It is still all so strange, being the go-to gal about weight loss and fitness.  I know I am doing the work, but the fat girl in my head is still stunned at the turnaround.

Calories for today are at 1070. Water intake, per the usual, was done before leaving work.

WSR: Weight 232.8 - Weight Left To Lose 62.8

Height: 5'7"
Age: 42

Starting Weight: 370.0 lbs
Goal Weight: 170.0 lbs

Current Weight: 232.8 lbs
Pounds Lost: 137.2 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 62.8 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 37.08%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 68.60%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 36.5
BMI Lost: 21.4

Officially, as of last Monday's weigh in, I am 4.6 lbs down from last week.  No picture this week as I left my phone at a friend's.  I'll get it back this morning.

I'm cautiously optimistic about this week because it is that week.  I am going to do my best and see what happens.  I know from experience that more protein is a must.

C25K is on schedule.  My progress is better than I ever hoped.  I need to increase my activity otherwise.  More sets of stairs, walking during the day and treadmill during the week need to happen.

16 weeks back on plan and 44.2 lbs lost.
8 weeks on the DDDYC and 18.2 lbs lost.

Onward and downward y'all!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Spawn: Day 13

I decided to forgo eating at goal weight today and only bumped my calories up a little.  I'm pleased with the day.  My lunch at a Japanese cafe was delightful and I could eat that every week.

Calories were at 1373.  Water was done.

Sunday: On Tap Today

I had a great loss this past week (already sent to Allan).  Official weigh in is tomorrow.

My fear is that my body is going to acclimate to 1200 calories and not budge much this coming week.  The plan for today is to eat at goal weight.  I've always responded with better, more consistent weight loss when I throw an off day in there every once and a while.  Eating at goal weight will serve as enough of a variance to not let my body adjust to the routine.

The plan for today is to go to church, then have lunch and go shopping with a friend.

Then it is back home to catch the Cowboys/Redskins game on TiVo.  I've got a bet riding on this game.  If the Cowboys win, I get 10 free cups of coffee from my favorite coffee house.  If the Redskins win, (not gonna happen) I have to buy the owner of said coffee house a hard cover Ray Bradbury book.  I'm going to enjoy my free coffee.  I'm just saying.

I also want to log another 3 miles on the treadmill because that will bring my activity level at DailyMile to 15 weekly miles.  It has been an unspoken goal of mine to get my mileage back up each week and not just focus on the C25K training plan.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Spawn: Day 12

I worked out twice: 1) C25K training and 2) another 3.14 miles on the treadmill.  I was tired and zonked out before posting the day's food log.  So, here it is:

Calories for today are at 1410.  Water intake was done.

C25K: Week 4, Day 1

Walking Training Log Okay, now we are talking!  This training plan just got harder.  This afternoon's training session was hard.  It wasn't "OMG, Imma Gonna Die!!!" hard, but it was more challenging and there were times that I just had to push myself to finish the segment.

I've been wondering more and more in the last few days if I am going to be able to actually run the 5K in January.  That is awfully close and I am just now getting to the tougher weeks in the training plan.  3.1 miles is a long way to run.  Can I really do that?  But yesterday I read a post at One Twenty Five and E gives a lot of great running tips.  The part that really made me know that I am going to do this 5K, able to run the whole thing or not, was this:
Walking is o.k.! In fact, it’s great!  It’s proven that if you run for 10 minutes, walk for 1, and so on, you’ll actually finish faster than someone, with the same age/stats, that runs the same distance continuously.  I can’t stress this enough; walking is not failing!! Just make sure you keep moving.  I still run 10 minutes, walk 1, and despite lots of people thinking ‘walking = fail,’ I still consider myself a ‘runner.’  10 minutes is also a bloody long time to run when you’re starting out, so start with, “run 3, walk 1” or something, and build your way up.
She's a runner y'all.  She's run real events.  And yet she still walks sometimes.  So I guess I, in my noob state, can also not view walking as a failure.

One of my many flaws is that I am a perfectionist.  I either go all out for something and do it to the letter or I don't do it at all.  Well, I am giving myself permission to not be perfect in this.  I'm not going to be, so I might as well relax and just enjoy the process of evolving from a couch potato into one of those wacky run in all kinds of weather people.  You know the nut jobs that are out there running in freezing weather while you are on the way to pick up coffee and donuts?  I want to be one of those people.

There is no playlist because the C25K app crashes if I play music while running.  I'm going to finish the program and then look into buying a Garmin and a wireless MP3 headset.  I must have music when I workout.

Awards & Saturday Thoughts

I was given a few awards within the past week or so and I want to honor the givers by recognizing them.

Gifted by Jess @ Cankles and Carrots

Of all the awards in blogland this is the most meaningful to me in the weight loss world.  The reason being that it is incredibly hard to tell the whole truth sometimes.  If you have struggled with an eating disorder or suffered from low self esteem or a poor body image and have to fight your way out then honesty is essential.  When you face the truth about yourself, about your habits, your most painful scars and your deepest fears then that is when you can truly make a change.  I try my best to only post with 100% honesty because when I reach goal I want to have honestly found the woman inside me.

Gifted by bd160 @ Dancing Towards Myself

When I set out to chronicle this journey of mine I never expected to find such a great group of people who are also traveling their own road to health and fitness.  Blogland is an amazing universe of warm and supportive people that have gifted me with more than I ever found at any WW meeting.  And to think that I am one that someone would think was a worthy read was never even conceivable when I first started out.  I want to thank all of you who visit and comment because you are invaluable to me on a daily basis.

I am not going to follow the rules and award these to anyone. When it comes to awards I don't like narrowing it down because I find value in each and every blog that I follow.  If you would like to grab these and want to award someone yourself then you are free to do so.

Saturday Thoughts

I had planned on getting out early and hitting Central Market to pick up a few things but then I reconsidered because I looked at the calendar and I have no desire to be afflicted by "one week before Christmas craziness".  My butt will remain at home, only venturing out later this afternoon to do my C25K training session and to buy a salad from Potbelly for dinner.

Why are weekends so easy for me diet wise?  I know others have a tougher time staying on plan on the weekend, but for me it is easy to eat a couple of meals and then call it a day.  I usually eat less on Saturday than any other day of the week.  I'm not complaining, just wondering why it is so.

Another mystery is why in the hell have I become an early riser?  Is there some old person's club that can give me an answer?  Every morning for the past three weeks or so I have woken up at 6:30 AM.  Today was no different.  I used to be a champion sleeper.  Sleeping until noon was the standard.  Now I can't even make it to 8 AM.

Speaking of morning routines, Allan is in my thoughts every morning as I take the first tinkle.  It is long.  It is hard.  Trust me I really don't want to be thinking about him that early in the day, but all of his pee posts have stuck in my head.  I am becoming proud of urination.  Its official.  I am a freak.

And on the other end of that spectrum, this is the first week that I won't have had to use Magnesium Citrate to ensure a proper number two.  I am getting there on my own.  The only supplements I take these days are D3 and B12.  This is a huge "load" off of my mind.

I never posted anything about what I thought about the Biggest Loser finale.  I will keep things as spoiler free as possible to avoid ruining it for anyone that might still have it on DVR but have yet to hit Play.  The winner bugs me because of the game play that went down this season.  I can't fully enjoy their hard earned success even though I do like them a lot.  This show is more than a show to me because of where I have come from.  BL9 rocked hard in being about the journey and not some game to be won.  The final member of the top three was as it should have been.  I am so happy for them and their entire journey.  The at home winner had the highest percentage of weight loss of anyone and also happened to be my favorite from the start.  The moment that determined the at home winner was the best moment of the finale for me.  I jumped and hollered and felt like a complete dork.

That is all.  I hope everyone has a great Saturday and don't get run over by any reindeer or bargain seeking shoppers.