Food Log: 01.21.09

I feel like death warmed over. The cold from hell still lingers and has zapped every ounce of extra energy I ever possessed out of me. I want to be well!!!

I ate less than I wanted to today, but I'm too tired to worry about it.

There won't be any walking tonight. It is far too cold and, as mentioned above, I want to get well. Colds and freezing temperatures don't mix well.

The good news is that I will get a new computer tomorrow and can finally join in on all of the Biggest Loser fun. I am so sorry I've missed out on supporting everyone on the A-Team these past 2 weeks. Don't forget to weigh in!

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk (1 - 16 oz) *central market*	1
b: veggie corn dogs (2) *morningstar farms*	6
l: sauteed snap peas & carrots (6 oz) *central market*	3
l: lemon flavored rice (5 oz) *central market*	4
l: vegetable egg roll (1) *central market*	5
s: garlic & herb crackers (9 crackers) *all bran*	1
s: coffee w/ skim milk (1 - 16 oz) *central market*	1
Total:	21

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Food Log: 01.20.09

Since I had my doctor's appointment this morning I wasn't able to do my usual routine of stopping off at Central Market on the way to work. I had to improvise and buy food from the food court. I forgot how freaking expensive that is. My meals from Central Market run about half of what a typical food court day runs me. It also ran me more points wise than I like to eat in a day, but I will be back on the routine tomorrow. I did still only eat my allotted daily WW points.

I will walk tonight. I've already done about a mile and a half this morning walking to the doctor's appointment and then walking to work from there. So I won't have to do much tonight.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ sugar free creamer [1]	2
b: bean & cheese tacos [2] *taco cabana*	12
l: veggie burger w/ bun [1] *eats*	16
s: garlic & herb crackers [9 crackers] *all bran*	1
s: coffee w/ sugar free creamer [1]	2
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	34

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Non-Scale Victory: New Year, New Numbers

I hate love going to the doctor.

I've spent half of my life avoiding the doctor's office because I always get this pained, disgusted look in which they tell me that I really should lose some weight and then shove pamphlet after pamphlet into my hands about proper nutrition and send me on my way. It was always uncomfortable and they never understood that I just couldn't do it.

But today?

It was bloody awesome! I walked into that doctor's office and was eager to hop on the scale because I knew the number was drastically lower than the last time I weighed in. The nurse's eyes popped out of her head when she saw how much weight I've lost in the past year. She asked me what I was doing, how I had lost the weight. I told her that I do Weight Watchers, eat a vegetarian diet and walk a lot. She was so impressed. I was getting a big, fat head just sitting there on the thin strip of paper that runs the length of the exam room table.

Then the doctor comes in, reviews my chart and her eyes widen.

She says, "you've lost a lot of weight."

I say, "yeah, I've worked hard."

She asks, "what are you doing"?

I reply, "I started doing Weight Watchers again, I cut out meat and eggs and I walk at least 3.5 miles per day with a little jogging I've thrown in recently."

This is the part that kills me. She gets this big grin on her face and tells me that "you are the poster child for doing things right. We've been telling everyone out there about you."

My head puffs up even more and I am concerned I won't get back through the exam room door. I smartly add that "there is no magic pill, why hasn't anyone ever told me that before?"

She laughs, tells me to scoot down and gives me that exam that no woman wants to have because there is just no dignified way to have it done.

I can't wait until next year's physical! Maybe I should alert them to have the jaws of life on hand to cut me out of the exam room when my head becomes too big for the room itself?

Food Log: 01.19.09

The home computer is still busted. I'm getting a new one on Thursday, but until then I have to post the food logs early (before I leave work). I ate well today and stayed in range of the points I wanted to eat. Skipping dinner is working well for me so I am going to keep doing that. My nightly coffee and a book are a great way to end the day. It really puts me in a great frame of mind.

My intention is to walk tonight. It probably won't be my normal 3.5 miles but I do plan on getting out there and back into a routine. I'm still not 100% well, but I feel well enough to do something. Maintaining the habit and the routine is 80% of the battle so when I am well, I can kick it up a few notches and not feel like I am starting over.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: bagel [1 large] *sweet retreat*	7
b: cream cheese [4 tbsp] *sweet retreat*	4
l: refried beans [6 oz] *taco cabana*	6
l: couscous w/ spinach and feta [5 oz] *central market*	4
l: steamed vegetables [6 oz] *central market*	2
s: garlic & herb crackers [9 crackers] *all bran*	1
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	26

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

WSR: Weight 278.2 - Weight Left To Lose 108.2

Height: 5'7"
Age: 40

Starting Weight: 370 lbs
Goal Weight: 170 lbs

Current Weight: 278.2 lbs
Pounds Lost: 91.8 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 108.2 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 24.81%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 45.90%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 43.6
BMI Lost: 14.3

In a week that I didn't exercise at all, because I've been sick, I still managed to lose 6 pounds. I've said it before and I will say it again - I don't understand my body at all.

I did eat on plan and in the points range I was aiming for each day but I didn't move at all. I just went about my days as normal. I plan to get back on the walking track tonight though.

Onward and downward!

Rest Stop

I feel better today, the cold is dissipating, but I am literally worn all the way out.

My diet is good. I am eating within the points range I want. The scale is still drifting downward and I am at an all-time low. I've lost 88 pounds! I just haven't had the energy to exercise. So, I am going to take the next few days to finish getting well and resume walking and blogging on Monday.

Have a great weekend y'all. I know mine should certainly be better than the last.

Food Log: 01.14.09

I am feeling really crappy today. Everyone in the office told me to go home, but I persevered and am making it through the entire day. Tomorrow, if I feel no better, I am staying home.

I ate a little out of the points range I like to stay in, but I am trying to get well and my choices were all good. I am still under the allowed WW points (34 points) I am supposed to eat. So I feel good about today.

I also scheduled a well woman exam and a dental appointment that I've been procrastinating on forever. I'll get a referral for a mammogram during the physical and that is really what I am going for. But I am also interested to see the change in my cholesterol level and other labs since last year. I bet there is a huge drop due to my vegetarian diet. It will be fun to see those numbers.

There will be no walking tonight. I am going home to bed and there I will stay until the morning.

Have a good night y'all. If you are on Team Angie, don't forget to weigh in this week. Lets show that other team how it is done. ;)

food	ww points
b: skinny vanilla latte [grande] *starbucks*	3
b: bagel [1 large] *alonti*	7
b: cream cheese [4 tbsp] *alonti*	4
l: couscous w/ spinach & feta [6 oz] *central market*	4
l: sauteed snap peas & carrots [7 oz] *central market*	4
s: skinny vanilla latte [tall] *starbucks*	2
s: banana [1 large]	2
d: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
d: orange [1 large]	2
Total:	29

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Non-Scale Victory: Yes I Am

This morning I was dragging slowly due to my first cold in three years and took the latest bus in to work I possibly could and still make it in on time. I haven't taken this bus in a long time and it had the same driver as the last time I took it.

Well, as I was getting off the bus to walk into my building she said, "can I ask you something?"

I turned around and said, "sure."

"Are you on a diet?", she asked.

I had such a rush of inner pride and told her that "yes, I am. I am doing Weight Watchers, eating vegetarian foods and I walk."

She then said, "Well, you look good!"

I love these types of encounters from people who saw me before my weight loss began but don't know that I am on a diet. It is my favorite kind of recognition because they have nothing to prompt them to ask me if I have lost weight other than seeing the difference in my size and shape.

It was a great start to my day in which I feel like utter crap.

Food Log: 01.13.09

It was a good day. It was a day that fits within my routine and hits the points range I was aiming for. I feel solid with where I am now and there will be many more days like this to come.

My home computer finally died (it won't turn on anymore at all). So posting may be spotty and I still haven't been able to visit most of my Team Angie teammates. I really want to support y'all in this endeavor. I'm thinking about you, if I am not able to visit and offer up support.

I am really tired after moving this past weekend and eating so lightly. It will probably take a few days to get back to feeling like myself, plus I've acquired my first cold in 3 years from being out in the cold so much during the move. All I want to do is go home, watch some tv and go bed. Luckily I have the first 4 hours of the new season of 24 (my favorite show on tv). Jack and Tony are back and that makes me a very happy gal. I knew Almeida wasn't dead. Nobody goes out in such a lame fashion when they are a main character and he didn't get the silent clock. Almeida definitely deserved a silent clock.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: bagel [1 large] *alonti*	7
b: cream cheese [4 tbsp] *alonti*	4
l: borracho beans [6 oz] *taco cabana*	3
l: penne w/ asparagus [5 oz] *central market*	4
l: steamed vegetables [5 oz] *central market*	2
s: skinny vanilla latte [tall] *starbucks*	2
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	24

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

WSR: Weight 284.2 - Weight Left To Lose 114.2

Height: 5'7"
Age: 40

Starting Weight: 370 lbs
Goal Weight: 170 lbs

Current Weight: 284.2 lbs
Pounds Lost: 85.8 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 114.2 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 23.19%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 42.90%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 44.5
BMI Lost: 13.4

I reversed the damage from the previous two weeks and came out of last week 7.2 pounds lighter. This was due in part to the unplanned two-day marathon move I did this weekend, but I am not turning it down.

My routine is back in a big way and I am so pleased.

I updated my sidebar with my Biggest Loser Blog Edition weigh in. It is a different starting weight because I registered in BLBE on Saturday and had a major binge on Sunday that gave me the weight that I posted on the last WSR.

Onward and downward!

The Biggest Loser Blog Edition

The Biggest Loser Blog Edition starts today.

I am really excited to be a part of this challenge because I know that we are all committed to losing weight and becoming better versions of ourselves.  The extra bit of motivation that I will get from such a focused group is going to be awesome.  I hope I am able to provide a little bit of that myself for y'all.

My weigh in days are Monday.  So, I will be reporting my loss for the week tomorrow and finally get around to visiting all of the folks on Team Angie.

I wish you all luck in kicking the fat out of your lives.

Food Log: 01.10.09

Splurge Saturday wasn't quite such a splurge.  I changed up my splurge meal to eliminate the bean and cheese tacos.  I ordered a side order of refried beans instead.  I don't feel like I need to have that much at one sitting any more, splurge meal or not.

I didn't walk today but I got so much exercise it doesn't matter.  I am changing apartments moving from a downstairs unit to an upstairs one.  I trudged up and down the stairs a whole lot and I will do it again on Sunday.  I am so sore.  I was too tired to eat anything at the end of the day so I grabbed a bag of Triscuits from a convenience store.  It was the healthiest thing I could find and  it pumped up my fiber count for the day.

food	ww points
l: tortilla chips [1 basket] *chachos*	11
l: guacamole [6 oz] *chachos*	6
l: refried bean [5 oz] *chachos*	6
s: triscuits [1 package]	5
Total:	28

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Food Log: 01.09.09

I fixed my computer problems so posting should become more normal (i.e. posting food logs on the same day).

I ate normally and well within my alloted daily WW points.  It was a good day.  My routine is back in full force and I am really feeling empowered for the two Biggest Loser challenges I am involved in.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: veggie corn dogs [2] *morningstar farms*	6
l: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
l: pasta rustica w/ portobello mushrooms [4 oz] *central market*	3
l: cucumber & tomato salad [5 oz] *central market*	3
s: roasted red pepper hummus [1.12 oz] *central market*	2
s: garlic & herb crackers [18 crackers] *all bran*	2
d: vegetable lasagna [1 square] *central market*	9
d: wilted spinach [5 oz] *central market*	2
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	31

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Food Log: 01.08.09

I ate in the points range I was aiming for and had good food. It was a good day.

I wasn't able to walk last night because I got stuck on the other side of town and didn't make it home until nearly 10 PM. I'm not walking at 10PM because that is definitely not the safe or wise choice.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: veggie corn dogs [2] *morningstar farms*	6
l: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
l: israeli couscous [4 oz] *central market*	4
l: cucumber & tomato salad [4 oz] *central market*	3
s: spinach & artichoke dip [2.24 oz] *central market*	4
s: garlic & herb crackers [18 crackers] *all bran*	2
s: skinny vanilla latte [tall] *starbucks*	2
Total:	24

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Non-Scale Victory: Eventually Is Today

I am sure that everyone has that special space in their closet reserved for the clothes that have become too small but that they will eventually fit into again. Some people will see the day that they can don those clothes again. However, for others, that dream is a false hope because they are never able to regain their former size and/or shape. These articles of clothing sit sadly in the back of the closet or in a box shoved in the corner as a sad reminder of a figure long gone.

I've always considered myself to be one of the other people - destined to hold onto false hope. But today is the day that I shed that persona and became one that eventually saw them fit again. Today is the day that my "skinny jeans" were transformed into jeans I can wear once more.

I was in the middle of my morning routine today and I had an urge to try them on. I saw them lying there on the loveseat in my bedroom beckoning to me and I just knew they would fit. I've been able to get them on, zipped and everything before now, but they were too tight to look good. But now? They not only slip on, but they fit and they look good!

I am now officially back at the point in which I had formerly abandoned all hope of ever losing weight. The past sins are erased and I can begin again. It is funny that when I was a size 24 before I was sad and dejected and feeling such an absence of satisfaction with my present state. However, after having seen the other side of a size 32 I am grateful to be back there in those size 24 jeans. This time I know I have the power to continue to lose and drift into a size 22, 20, 18... and wind up at whatever size makes me feel like the woman I want to be. Will it be a size 12 or a size 14? Who knows? I am just going to enjoy the journey.

I now know that eventually can become today.

Food Log: 01.07.09

It seems I am undoing the damage that my Christmas splurge and wagon jumping did pretty quickly. I am within 2 pounds of losing what I had gained back. Awesome!

I rocked the food consumption pretty freaking hard today. Points are low and the quality of food is high. I want to stay on this track. It feels good. It feels right.

My goal is to employ a no excuses, non-negotiable policy towards exercise. I will do it no matter what. I have seen what lying around on my butt for 2 weeks will do and I don't like it. So from now on, there will be no more excuses. The holidays are over and it is go time. I intend to walk tonight and throw in some more jogging.

I hope I can fix my computer tonight so I can add my playlist and update with how much walking/jogging I have done.

ETA: I walked/jogged last night. I did another total 3.5 miles (.5 jogging). Why didn't anyone tell me how incredible jogging makes you feel? I'm only doing half a mile now. I can't wait until I am a real jogger, able to do at least a mile at a stretch. That might blow my mind.

And I want to extend a very special welcome to all newbie visitors from the Biggest Loser Blog Edition challenge. I've got computer problems, but as soon as they are fixed I will make the rounds and check all of y'all out. This is exciting. I am amped for this challenge and I can't wait to root you all on. Go Team Angie! We are SO gonna win. I can feel it.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: light & fit carb & sugar control yogurt [1] *dannon*	1
b: bran buds [2/3 cup] *all bran*	2
l: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
l: sauteed snap peas & carrots [6 oz]	4
l: lemon flavored rice [5 oz] *central market*	4
s: 100 calorie kettle corn [1 bag] *jolly time*	2
d: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
d: smart & delicious tortillas [1] *latortilla factory*	1
d: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	21

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Food Log: 01.06.09

It feels like life is returning to normal now. I have my routine back and staying on track isn't as hard as it was during the holidays. I've planned well and I think my daily points totals are really reflecting that level of control.

I intend to walk tonight. I am posting the food log early because I am having computer problems at home.

ETA: I did walk last night. I did 3.5 miles total and jogged for at least half a mile of that. I really pushed myself and I am feeling it today. I am soooore! But I love it. I understand why people are out there on holidays and in inclement weather. It gives you such a high.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: light & fit carb & sugar control yogurt [1] *dannon*	1
b: bran buds [2/3 cup] *all bran*	2
l: vegetarian chili [1 bowl] *boca*	3
l: spicy squash casserole [5 oz] *central market*	6
s: garlic & herb crackers [9 crackers] *all bran*	1
s: light swiss cheese [1 wedge] *laughing cow*	1
s: garlic & herb crackers [18 crackers] *all bran*	2
d: smart & delicious tortillas [1] *latortilla factory*	1
d: spicy chik'n patty [1] *boca*	3
d: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	23

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Biggest Loser: Work Edition

I signed up to do a Biggest Loser challenge at work. Today was the initial weigh in.

The good news is that there is only a .3 difference between the scale we will use and the one I have at home. So, I will have a pretty good idea of what each weigh in will show before I actually step on the scale. I feel like I will have inside information.

It took a lot of courage for me to trust the person recording our weights. I am probably the fattest contestant in the challenge. Knowing that and still stepping on the scale for another human being to see that number was tough. But I did it, because I want the extra motivation to keep losing. I also maybe want to win one of the cash prizes. The top 3 losers take a percentage of the total pot - 1st gets 50%, 2nd gets 30%, 3rd gets 20%. The pot is starting out at something like $850. I think I have a real shot at it because I've been doing this so long and most people are just starting out.

The next weigh in is on January 16th. If I gain weight, then I owe the pot $1 per pound. If I don't weigh, then I owe the pot $1. I won't be adding to the pot at all. I can guarantee that.

I'm exicted.

Food Log: 01.05.09

Today was a return to normal. I ate a little lower in points that I wanted to but I am full and not feeling deprived; so I am going with it. I feel a little more in control after yesterday's binge and reporting that I've gained weight back that I'd already lost.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
b: light & fit carb & sugar control yogurt [1] *dannon*	1
b: bran buds [2/3 cup] *all bran*	2
l: pasta rustica w/ portobello mushrooms [7 oz] *central market*	5
l: green beans w/ sun dried tomatoes [7 oz] *central market*	4
l: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
d: smart & delicious tortillas [1] *latortilla factory*	1
d: spicy chik'n patty [1] *boca*	3
d: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	21

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

WSR: Weight 291.4 - Weight Left To Lose 121.4

Height: 5'7"
Age: 40

Starting Weight: 370 lbs
Goal Weight: 170 lbs

Current Weight: 291.4 lbs
Pounds Lost: 78.6 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 121.4 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 21.24%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 39.30%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 45.6
BMI Lost: 12.3

I skipped last week's Weekly Stats Report because I had just come off of 2 days of indulgence at Christmas and it was that time of the month. There was no way I was going near a scale.

And I didn't walk much at all in the past 2 weeks. It was like I was returning to my former sedentary ways. That stops NOW! I WILL walk each day.

So this WSR isn't as much fun as all of the others have been because I freaking gained weight back. :smacks self upside head: I am back at 291.4 after getting down to 284.2. :smacks self upside head again for good measure:

But I swore that this blog would be an open and honest account of my weight loss efforts. I can't be open and honest if I only report the good stuff. There will be hard times and I have to own up to them. So, there it is - I gained weight back.

Okay, now down to business. I have 2 Biggest Loser challenges coming up. I have one at work that starts tomorrow (cash pot for the top 3 losers) and I am also doing the Biggest Loser Blog Edition that starts on Sunday. So, I have plenty of motivation to get my ass in gear. No excuses!

I Am Not A Diet Failure

I'm an emotional eater.

I can remember using food, specifically Butterfinger candy bars, as an emotional crutch as early as age 8. I would buy them at the YMCA after swim class on Saturday, stash them in my closet and then devour them in secret when the need arose. The need arose a lot.

Today has been really emotional for me. I have come to the realization that a relationship that I thought existed didn't because the other person is too ashamed to admit that there is something going on despite nearly a year of getting closer and closer. My weight loss to date be damned. The shallow opinions of mere acquaintances (not even real friends) means more to him than I do. It has been tough to deal with that realization. It is the denial of our friendship that hurts the most because that is what I had the most faith in. The worst part of it all is that he seems to believe that I should be okay with this arrangement, ready to pick up where we left off when it is convenient and safe for him to do so as if I am so deaf, dumb and blind that I wouldn't notice.

So I fell off the wagon big time! Well I didn't exactly fall off the wagon. It was more like asking the driver to pull over to the side of the road, come to a complete stop and allow me the chance to get off and make a well planned visit with old friends while waiting for me to come back and resume the trip.

I ate a HUGE breakfast. I don't mean slightly larger than normal, but a full on gorge fest. I ate meat (two kinds - bacon and chorizo). I ate eggs. I ate a whole lot of cheese. It was not pretty at all.

I slipped up. I fell down. Now it is time to pick myself back up again and forgive myself because it wasn't the first time and it certainly won't be the last.

I am re-reading PastaQueen's book, Half-Assed. When I read it the first time (around my 50th pound lost) I knew I would re-read it periodically in order to gain new perspective based on where I currently was in my own journey to lose half of me. Today was the perfect day to read the "I Should Know Better By Now" chapter. In it, she talks about planning to make and over indulge in muffins and feeling self disgust after she'd done it. But then she goes on to talk about how she isn't perfect:

I wasn't a 100 percent perfect dieter. No one was. If I fell out of bed, I wouldn't call myself a failure at sleeping. I'd get up and make a note to sleep toward the middle of the bed. My mother liked to say I was a work in progress. It was hard to progress if you were always perfect.

I am not a diet failure. In previous attempts at weight loss I've always been a diet quitter. But if I never quit, then I can never fail because failing is simply a result of giving up.

And in yet another bit of timely confirmation, Denise @ It's Not a Diet, It's a Weigh of Life... had a post today called Walking the Tight Rope.

In the WW meeting, we also talked about walking the "tight rope of weight loss" where you feel like you have to walk this narrow line of a diet and keep on plan, because if you fall off you just fall off completely and never get back on. Our leader stated that sometimes, you just got to get off the tight rope and take a different path worth walking that isn't so narrow and restrictive.

In the past that was me to a fault. I only saw that narrow line and didn't realize that there were different paths to be trod. So when I inevitably fell I would believe that I had to abandon it all because I hadn't been perfect. That isn't so this time. I don't feel this enormous pressure to stick to the thin line of perfectionism that so often fades because we can't even get near enough to see it properly. I know that I will mess up and I have to be okay with that. I can always start again.

I WILL start again.

Jogging: My Memory

I did something today that was extraordinary. I walked 5.5 miles. Well, that is not exactly accurate. You see, I walked 5 miles and jogged half a mile.

I jogged!

Me, the woman who sat on the couch a year ago and thought that gastric bypass surgery was my only hope actually jogged!

Me, the woman who didn't want to walk around the corner to the bus stop every day so much that she took cabs to and from work actually jogged!

To be honest, I've not been all that satisfied with the lack of a challenge that walking has been bringing me lately. I wanted something more, something that would push me like walking used to do. When I started walking I felt like I was climbing a mountain every day, like I had achieved something. Now it is merely exercise. I do it, but I am not straining to do it anymore. It has become almost too easy. I'm up to doing 3 miles in an hour.

So I ran a Google search on how to start jogging. It seemed simple enough:

• start out walking for at least 5 minutes
• start jogging and only do as much as you can without feeling like you can't breathe
• stop and resume walking until your breathing returns to a normal rhythm
• repeat the process over and over

I confess that the half a mile did not happen all at once. It came in short spurts along with the regular walking routine. When I neared the end of each jog, my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest it was beating so rapidly. I've never pushed myself so much (relax, I wasn't killing myself, merely pushing myself past the point I've ever been before). I remember praying for God to give me strength. I also questioned my sanity more than a few times along the way. Who willingly puts themselves through this ordeal? It is truly frightening. I suppose the most frightening bit is that I not only plan to do it again tomorrow night and beyond, I also sort of liked it.

Who IS this woman inside me? She is one tough cookie.

Food Log: 01.03.08

Splurge Saturday was indeed a splurge day. I ate that much food. I admit it. Wait until you see what tomorrow will bring, today will look like a light day.

I did walk today, but the tale of that deserves a post all its own.

food	ww points
l: tortilla chips [1 basket] *chachos*	9
l: guacamole [6 oz] *chachos*	6
l: bean & cheese tacos [2] *chachos*	14
s: skinny vanilla latte [grande] *starbucks*	3
d: vegetable egg roll [1] *central market*	5
d: orzo w/ garden vegetables [5 oz] *central market*	4
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	42

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Food Log: 01.02.09

Wow!  Today was so easy.  I ate fewer points than I had thought I had but I was eating all day.  Strange.

Tomorrow is my favorite day of the week - Splurge Saturday!  I eat whatever I want that is still lacto-vegetarian, but use all of my allotted daily WW points and maybe a few extra.  I plan on going in to work and getting a jump start on an insanely busy week next week, so the splurging will probably be mostly a breakfast meal.

So, how has 2009 been treating everyone thus far?

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [2 - 16 oz] *central market*	2
b: light & fit carb & sugar control yogurt [1] *dannon*	1
b: bran buds [2/3 cup] *all bran*	2
l: flame grilled veggie burger [1] *boca*	2
l: greek pasta salad [5 oz] *central market*	3
l: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: bosc pear [1]	2
s: garlic & herb crackers [18] *all bran*	2
s: light swiss cheese [1 wedge] *laughing cow*	1
d: couscous w/ spinach & feta [5 oz] *central market*	3
d: sauteed snap peas & carrots [5 oz] *central market*	3
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	23

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.

Food Log: 01.01.09

Don't you just love New Years? It brings such a feeling of renewal and commitment. Of course I have been committed to escaping from the prison of fat for 6 months now and it is all very much a routine. But I still feel reenergized with the idea of a brand new year and all of the potential things I can do.

Day 1 of 2009 was a good one. I ate a little more than I wanted to points-wise, but still within my daily alloted 34 WW points. I also managed to get in a 1.25 mile walk. My goal this year is to get in some exercise every day. It may not be a lot, but moving at all is a good thing. I must make exercise a non-negotiable priority in my daily routine.

food	ww points
b: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *empire cafe*	1
b: toasted english muffin [1] *empire cafe*	3
b: cream cheese [2 tbsp] *empire cafe*	2
b: fresh fruit [1 cup] *empire cafe*	2
l: smart & delicious tortillas [1] *latortilla factory*	1
l: spicy chik'n patty [1] *boca*	3
l: broccoli slaw [3 oz]	1
s: apple [1 large]	2
s: garlic & herb crackers [18] *all bran*	2
s: light swiss cheese [1 wedge] *laughing cow*	1
d: vegetable lasagna [1 square] *central market*	9
d: wilted spinach [4 oz] *central market*	2
s: coffee w/ skim milk [1 - 16 oz] *central market*	1
Total:	30

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

My food log @ Twitter is twim_food for anyone that wants to follow it there.