I hate love going to the doctor.
I've spent half of my life avoiding the doctor's office because I always get this pained, disgusted look in which they tell me that I really should lose some weight and then shove pamphlet after pamphlet into my hands about proper nutrition and send me on my way. It was always uncomfortable and they never understood that I just couldn't do it.
It was bloody awesome! I walked into that doctor's office and was eager to hop on the scale because I knew the number was drastically lower than the last time I weighed in. The nurse's eyes popped out of her head when she saw how much weight I've lost in the past year. She asked me what I was doing, how I had lost the weight. I told her that I do Weight Watchers, eat a vegetarian diet and walk a lot. She was so impressed. I was getting a big, fat head just sitting there on the thin strip of paper that runs the length of the exam room table.
Then the doctor comes in, reviews my chart and her eyes widen.
She says, "you've lost a lot of weight."
I say, "yeah, I've worked hard."
She asks, "what are you doing"?
I reply, "I started doing Weight Watchers again, I cut out meat and eggs and I walk at least 3.5 miles per day with a little jogging I've thrown in recently."
This is the part that kills me. She gets this big grin on her face and tells me that "you are the poster child for doing things right. We've been telling everyone out there about you."
My head puffs up even more and I am concerned I won't get back through the exam room door. I smartly add that "there is no magic pill, why hasn't anyone ever told me that before?"
She laughs, tells me to scoot down and gives me that exam that no woman wants to have because there is just no dignified way to have it done.
I can't wait until next year's physical! Maybe I should alert them to have the jaws of life on hand to cut me out of the exam room when my head becomes too big for the room itself?