Rest Time Is Over

I am going to get up early tomorrow and start moving my butt down the streets to the sounds of my funky beats.

Rest time is over. I have had a few days to recoup my strength and stamina after being sick. However, it is now time to get back out there and burn those calories.

I've missed walking. I've missed the rush of the endorphins. I've missed the amazing feeling of knowing I am becoming more fit each time I get out there and get my heart pumping. The progress picture I posted yesterday has given me an extra burst of motivation. It has confirmed that the extra mileage I added to my routine is really doing my body some good in a hard and fast way.

I signed up for dailymile and am anxious to see how it interacts with Nike+. If it works well I may use it to log my exercise instead of relying on Nike+ (which has stopped updating).

Work In Progress: Snapshot 125.0 Lost

I thought I would take another progress picture today since I hit an all time low on the scale and completed a mini goal on the same day.

The picture on the left is from today. The picture on the right was taken 06.26.09. I thought I looked good in June, but today's picture is absolutely incredible. The difference in my face and my stomach is very noticeable.

Back To Work

I have been sick this week and only just went back to work today. It was an exhausting day just doing routine stuff.

I ate more than I normally do (mainly protein with fruit and vegetables) because I hadn't eaten for a day and a half. I actually managed to eat all of the Weight Watchers points I am supposed to eat - 32 (I usually stick to the 20-22 points range).

Needless to say I did not exercise - at least at my normal level - but I did walk over a mile:

1. 0.7 miles to the bus stop this morning
2. 0.2 miles in to work this morning
3. 0.2 miles to the bus stop from work this evening
4. 0.2 miles home from a different bus stop this evening

At least that is something considering how I am feeling such a loss of stamina.

My plan is to finish out the work week while sticking to my diet plan. I won't exercise Thursday or Friday, but I will be getting back out there on Saturday to resume my normal schedule. I just don't want to set myself back because I couldn't take the time to rest to get my normal strength level back.

WSR: Weight 248.8 - Weight Left To Lose 78.8

Height: 5'7"
Age: 40

Starting Weight: 370 lbs
Goal Weight: 170 lbs

Current Weight: 248.8 lbs
Pounds Lost: 121.2 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 78.8 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 32.76%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 60.60%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 39.0
BMI Lost: 18.9

Two weeks in to getting back on track and I have ditched the 15 pounds that I've lost and regained a few times. I am less than a pound away from reaching my all time low that I hit before the 15 pound cycle began.

Going back to basics has helped me regain focus. The diet is a bit limited but I am only going to do it for a few more weeks.

My short term goal is to reach 225 by the end of the month (which happens to be my birthday). It is a lot of weight to lose in a month, but with the increased walking I am doing I think it is attainable. I want to be in good shape to win the next Biggest Loser challenge at work that will begin after Labor Day. I have to be able to beat out the skinnier people who can post a higher proportional weight loss for losing the same amount of weight that I do. It is all about the math.

AUGUST MINI GOAL:

Starting Weight: 248.8 lbs

Goal Weight: 225 lbs

Current Weight: 248.8 lbs

Pounds Lost: 0 lbs

Pounds Left To Lose: 23.8 lbs

Percent Of Way To Goal: 0.00%

Onward and downward!

Non-Scale Victory: The Limited

As the pounds drop off it is really exciting for me when I can begin shopping in a clothing store that was previously off limits because I was just too damned fat. I recently added one back into my possibilities that I have not been able to buy clothes from since high school!

I knew I had dropped a lot of weight in my upper torso and thought I was getting close to being able to wear an XL from a regular store. So I went to The Limited and checked out what they had. The tops I liked the most looked like they would fit. I was still uncertain. So, I tried them on and they fit!

It was such an emotional high and I was brought to tears as I tried one top on and then the other.

This is what I bought:

They are cute, right?

Oh, and these jeans that I was so super, duper excited about buying? They are so loose and baggy now that they are literally about to fall right off of my body. I don't have to unbutton or unzip to take them on and off. There is absolutely no snugness to them at all. I feel like I am living in a miraculous dreamworld with my clothes these days. It is an amazing thing to have to take something out of my closet because it is too big for me to wear.

Jillian Michaels Says

Every time I have read something that Jillian Michaels has said or written, I am always inspired and motivated.

I have recently developed a love for Twitter. I've been reading different people and slowly gotten into tweeting myself. Today I found that Jillian Michaels has a Twitter account and I am in quote heaven.

These are some of my favorites:

1. Shedding pounds isn't just a walk in the park. If you want to drop serious pounds and KEEP them off, you NEED to exercise. TWIM: I wish this weren't totally 100% true. Exercise is some hard, freaking work!
   
2. Clear out your cabinets! Get rid of the junkfood - if you have it around, you'll eat it. Dump the junk and you won't be tempted. TWIM: I got rid of all food at home. I can't overeat if it doesn't exist. It is one of the best decisions I ever made.
   
3. Each time you reach for food, ask yourself why? Once you know why you're eating too much, you can stop the sabotage and achieve your goals! TWIM: It is a lifestyle!
   
4. When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the, "I still have more to go", crap. You worked hard and you deserve the compliment! TWIM: I do this all the time. I.MUST.STOP.NOW.
   
5. Walk! Once you've got your gym routine down, burn a few extra calories by walking whenever you can. You'll burn calories and save gas! TWIM: Walking is the easiest and cheapest form of exercise. Just do it!
   
6. Learn your labels! Start comparing, and try to find the highest protein and dietary fiber, and the lowest carbs and fats. TWIM: Putting good things in your body really does help you find the energy to stay on course with a real program.
   
7. Listen to your body! Learn to analyze your cravings and satisfy those needs with something healthy. Need a sweet - grab a piece of fruit! TWIM: I have adapted this over the past 9 months or so. Fruit is almost negligible in your daily calorie totals and it is SO good for you.
   

I think Jillian is going to become my favorite Tweeter. There is always so much truth to all of her tips and advice.

Friday Night Free For All

I am sitting here at work unable to peel my rear end up out of the seat in order to make myself go home.

I've got some not so random thoughts running through my head. I am feeling quite anxious and restless. Consider this a dump into which I am pouring them out so that I might find some relief.

1. The diet is good. I had another great week (2 in a row) of staying on program. It was a perfect week for the diet. Go me! I've returned to the basics from when I first started out - WW Smart Ones meals, Progresso soups, fruit, coffee and water. I added a side order of eggs and pico de gallo from Taco Cabana though. I need the extra protein since I am walking 5 miles per day now. I plan to do this for at least 2-3 more weeks. It is simple. It works and it gets me back on the fast track to losing the last 80 pounds.


2. Do you know how much protein you should be eating per day? I didn't.
   (weight/2.2) * 0.8 = g protein per day


3. The scale isn't budging one little bit but I know why. It is the bane of all womankind. It rears its ugly head next week. Oh well, I know the scale is going to have to eventually give up the numbers I really want to see. I just have to be patient. Yeah right! Patience is for the weak. Veruca really was the patient one, she was willing to wait. I want it last week!!!


4. I found out that our vacation benefits are changing. We are getting more time, but we can roll less of it over each year. I was already freaking out about how to take 80 hours before the end of the year. If I have to take an additional 40 hours I don't know how that is going to happen with all that I have on my plate. I know, such problems, huh? It is though because I do want to take the time. I just don't know if I have the time to do it.


5. I guess the greatest source of my anxiety is ThatMan (his name from now on). He keeps attempting to draw me back into a congenial sort of relationship. I don't want that. I hate that it seems so easy and natural. I slide right back into it without even realizing it. He doesn't deserve it. This is the one time that I need to hold onto the hurt/anger because it keeps the damned walls up. The walls are good. They will keep me safe and protected so I won't wind up spitting out my kicked in teeth again. It is just hard to do because I don't live that way. I believe in forgiveness. There is no avoiding him either. Oh how I wish I could do that. It would make things so much easier. I've done well in not allowing him to engage me in personal chatter. I either remain silent or change the subject. It just takes so much work! Today was hard because a call went on and on even when nothing was really being said simply because the connection was there. At least that is my perspective. I don't know what he is doing. He pushed me away but still wants me to be there too. I hate this. I really do. Who would have thunk that life would have been simpler when I weighed 370 pounds? I never had such angst then.

5 Mile Commitment

If you take a gander at the sidebar over there to the right you will notice I have added some activity content - my Nike+ Mini and my Twitter activity feed. It is a measure of accountability for me. If I slack off on the exercise, it is going to show.

I decided that it is time that I get serious about exercise. Along with getting myself back on track diet-wise, and not letting the same 15 pounds find its way back onto my body yet again, I have committed to walking at least 5 miles per day - 6 days per week. This was a hard decision because it takes real commitment. I am no longer allowed to slack off. I've lost over 100 pounds. However, the remaining part of the second 100 pounds I have to lose isn't going to fall of quite as easily. I am going to have devote myself to exercise and make it a top priority in my life if I want to reach my goal.

The plan involves:

1. getting up early and walking 2+ miles
   
2. following that up each evening with whatever remains of the 5 mile goal
   

I have been successfully following this plan since Saturday and found that splitting the 5 miles up into multiple walks/runs is so much easier than walking 5 miles at one time. On the weekends I am going to mix it up - walking wherever and whenever I can throughout the day.

Long Story Short & A Longer Story

Where have I been for the past 4 months?

Long story short? I have lost, re-gained, lost (repeat cycle a few times) the same 15 pounds over and over again. It has been frustrating to say the least. On the upside I am now on the losing end of that 15 pounds once again and am no worse off than I was at the end of June and that is a major miracle in and of itself.

Now for the longer story.

June was hard.

I've known a man for years. We've always gotten along and had developed, or at least what I thought had developed into, a pretty great friendship. When we attended events, we always hung out almost exclusively with each other. He always approached me. I left that up to him because I wanted it to be his choice and not my inserting myself where I was not wanted. He's known me at my heaviest weight ever - back in the days when all I wore were stretchy pants and t-shirts because I couldn't fit into anything else and never wore makeup or paid much attention to my hair. In other words, he has seen me at my worst and still chose to spend time with me. This guy was a solid guy. He was one of the good people, or so I thought.

In June he decided to stop speaking to me. One day we were the same as we've always been and the next day I was persona non grata with him. There was no argument. There was no disagreement. He shut me out completely and did it without a word of explanation. It stung. It hurt me more than I can say because I thought we were real friends. I don't let people in very easily and I had let him in. I trusted him. We had gotten pretty close in recent months and a change in circumstance pretty much demanded that he either a) admit that we were more than just __________ or b) push me away in such a way that negated that acknowledgment from ever having to happen. I don't think he knew how to handle openly acknowledging that to me, to himself or to other people. It seems strange to write that because so many other people already knew there was more to us than just an arranged acquaintance. I think he got scared and pushed me away in the harshest way possible because if I hated him then he would never have to face any of it.

We still have to speak to and see each other. I am not going to go into what capacity that entails. You can probably guess. I just don't want to say it. He attempts to interact with me as if if everything is completely normal and seems to expect me to just let it go and make him feel like it is all okay. He gets angry at me because I can't and won't do that. I can't simply pretend for his sake. He has burned all of his bridges with me and has no right to expect me to consider what he wants in all of this. I gave him more than he deserved. When he began pushing me away I told him how I felt. I was completely honest with him. Yet he was nothing but cold to me. After years of knowing each other he just threw it all away.

I've written all of this to say that even though June was hard and left me feeling like I had gotten my teeth kicked in, I am in pretty good shape in spite of it all. I didn't curl up into a ball. I didn't stop fighting the fight. I indulged in eating more than I should have for a month or so, but I didn't dive off into a massive uncontrollable binge. I'm alright. In the past that would have crippled me. I would have let the hurt and the anger drive me to a non-stop orgy of overeating and permanent residence on the couch. But now? I'm good. I've grown. The change in lifestyle that I've been pursuing for over a year now has become real for me. It isn't simply an intangible ideal anymore. It is a part of me now.

Has It Been That Long?

I have not blogged since the beginning of April.

I knew it was a long time but not THAT long.

I.must.do.better.

Life is good. I am still on the diet and working out. The most exciting news is that I am about to move down into a size I haven't been in since I was a teenager. It is a HUGE move too because it is an entirely different size range. I am about to go from a 20 to an 18. More to come on that later. I am going to swing by and catch up on reading what you all have been up to after I get home and do my evening walk/run tonight. See you then.

ETA: I thought I would show off my latest progress picture (taken June 26th). I feel quite normal looking in this picture, almost to the point of leaving the fatty behind me forever!