The plan to workout at 6:00 AM didn't pan out today either. I was still very sleepy after my lack of sleep the night before.
So now I am sitting here, after having just eaten a bowl of very yummy organic oatmeal with peanut butter and banana, waiting an hour to go work out.
I also am trying to avoid all of the perky skinny people that populate the fitness center downstairs in the early evening hours. I think I am the only chunky person that uses it, like ever. I am the Sesame Street quiz that goes something like "what doesn't belong?" Now, before you go all "you belong" or "you have just as much right to use it", I am clear on that. It is just tough on the ego. I have to fight through all the feelings of inadequacy. I mean, 110 pound blonde girls with perky tatties happily running away make me in my 252 pound largesse feel grossly inadequate. Not that I want to be 110 pounds. I want to look normal. I don't want to look like a skeleton. Although I am paying a doctor to give me the perky tatties when this is all over. I ain't working this damned hard to take off the weight to still have ones that point due south.
So, clock it. At 8:00 PM I will be heading downstairs where I hope to grab a treadmill and pound the hell out of it for an hour.
And how crazy was Biggest Loser last night? I did not see that happening at all. Please don't leave any specific spoilers in the comments as not everyone may have seen it yet.
Update: I did it. Now I have to get a good night's sleep and try to get up at 6:00 AM. Once I am on the schedule it will be easy. It is just getting on that is the problem.
6 comments:
I have to wait till the weekend to see BL untill my local station streams it online, since I was out. It seems really harsh this season, surprise weigh ins etc etc. Yeah I can't bring myself to go to a gym yet, that is still somewhere in the future.
Erin, I understand your not going to the gym yet. I had to fight with myself for about 6 months until I could force myself to do that and the anxiety is still with me. You have to determine what is greater, your desire to get healthier and fitter or your fears. Choosing health and fitness is the better choice. When you are ready to do it for yourself you will see that.
Great job on getting that workout in! You made me laugh with your descriptions. hehe. It's so easy to feel inadequate when surrounded by skinny little people- but have pride in your accomplishments and don't worry about those other people!
Lucky for me our gym is family oriented and I seldom deal with the perkies... there are some girls that are like that.. but they are more athletic and fit.. and I like to watch what they are doing.. believing that one day i can do the same... but folks there at least when I go.. usually in early or mid afternoon are my age... and older... if you keep with the gym stuff.. you will feel so much better as you go...but you know that.. and great job on the treadmill...
Well done! When I used to go to the gym, I hated working out next to people who weighed a lot less, especially on running machines. There were many times I would have worked up the confidence to do a certain exercise i.e. running on a treadmill, only for someone to go on the machine next to me which meant I bottled it. It's got to the point where I need to think more about myself and do it for me and not give a monkeys about other people who probably don't give a monkeys about me.
This post made me smile - I've 'conquered' the gym and fear of the gym bunnies, but am now procrastinating over spin classes - the spinners all seem to be beeeooootiful people :) It took me a year to try yoga, and now I love that I may not be as bendy as some of the skinny girls, but I am so much stronger and can hold a plank pose forever. Its all in the mind. Oh, except for the tatties, they're physical, and I too am saving saving saving.......
Fi
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