As this year's final hours and minutes wind down I thought it would be fun to look back at where I have been and where I am now. I won't be writing a resolutions post because I don't make them. I know what my goals are and none of them have anything to do with beginning or ending on New Year's day.
So, with that said, the following is a true story ...
I was miserable. All hope had been drained out of me and I was convinced that I was headed for the grave as a super morbidly obese person. Then I found PastaQueen's blog. It seemed incredible to me that someone who had been as fat as I now was (370 lbs) could lose the weight on her own without magic pills or surgery. I grew inspired and began to have a small bit of faith that maybe I could do this. I had no idea how, but since Jennette had done it then it was possible! I wish there was some way I could repay her for that glimmer of hope because it rested in my mind, reminding me that someone had done this incredibly hard thing, until I was able to put my belief in the possible into action. Without her blog or her story I don't know if I would be where I am today.
2007 was the year that I bought the largest piece of clothing that I have ever had to wear - a pair of size 32 jeans that were still too tight for me to breathe. These jeans were the death of my denial. Prior to walking into that store on that day in October of 2007 I had tricked myself into believing that I hadn't gotten fatter. I was still in a size 28. Yet the clothes I wore were stretchy. I had long ago given up on wearing real pants or skirts because they just weren't comfortable. So it was soft, stretchy bottoms for me and soft comfortable t-shirts.
The annual departmental meeting had been scheduled. Everyone from all over the country would travel to Houston for a week long face to face brainstorming session. But we also had fun stuff to do too. I had found a great activity for us to all play. It was a scavenger hunt arranged by a local gaming company on the streets of our city. We all were required to wear jeans and a company t-shirt. I didn't have jeans because of all the clothes a fat person can't wear that is usually at or near the top of the list. So when I went to buy some, grabbing a size 28 and tried them on I was horrified that they wouldn't even rise above my hips and stomach. They stopped mid-thigh. I thought it was a mistake. I checked the tag. Nope, they were the right size. So I grabbed a size 30 and these would rise over my hips but no way could I zip them up. The tears started to form but were held back by pride. The jeans that fit (or would at least zip up) were a size 32 that had absolutely no shape or form other than being a possible replacement as a sail on a pirate's ship. These pictures are from that day. And as a fun fact, apparently super morbid obesity causes you not to be able to open your eyes for pictures.
2008 was the year that I wrecked my gallbladder, had it removed and "woke up" in a morbidly obese body on Thursday, June 18th. It was the year that changed everything. Sadly there isn't a lot of photographic evidence to the fact because I was still feeling such a sense of shame from the jeans and the surgeon that made me know that it was "a lot of work that wore me out" when he took out my gallbladder. But the two pictures I do have of earlier that year tell the story of a woman that was about to break. The expression on my face cannot be misread - I did not want my picture taken. I was ashamed and uncomfortable with my body.
2008 was the year that changed everything, but 2009 was the year that I knew it! I came alive in 2009. I wanted things. I wanted to wear nicer clothes, fix my hair, buy designer shoes, start exercising, move into a better apartment, buy new furniture, come out of my shell and socialize... The list goes on. The start of all of the self confidence came when I had my first pictures taken since early 2008 and I SAW what everyone else had seen. I had lost weight. The diet was working. The size 32 jeans were no longer so tight I couldn't breathe, they were baggy with lots of room to spare.
I began to love the camera a bit more than I had in past years. In fact I had a lot of pictures taken last year.
And the size 32 jeans? Yeah, they got even bigger last year as I got smaller.
This year had its ups and downs. I had lost 40 lbs in the Spring, only to put them right back on because I turned to my old friend the refrigerator when the stress of dealing with DM wore me down. But I rebounded at the end of August determined to get my diet and my life back on track. On August 27th I took a vacation and vowed that I would use that time wisely to regroup and to stop the upward climb on the scale. I weighed 277 lbs. It was tough for a few days, but I did it. and returned to blogging after a year's hiatus. Here I am in October.
Then I decided to give myself added incentive and joined the first phase of the Double Dog Dare Challenge and I haven't regretted that choice. Allan takes a lot of crap for being blunt and not wrapping the truth in sweetness and light, but it is the truth and if you want to lose weight for real then you could do worse than to listen to him. When I began the Challenge, I was 251, and it was that extra bit of motivation that I needed to get me through the diet killing holidays. It worked! As of the last weigh in I was 230.8 lbs and the last posted weight on this blog was 229. What will I be on the last weigh in of the Spawn phase of the Challenge? Stay Tuned!
Now, lets look at where I am today (or yesterday as that was when these were taken).
And I can't possibly end this year without an update on those size 32 jeans, now can I? Exactly how big have they gotten? Well when I put them on to take these pictures they fell right off. I no longer have anything to keep them up. My hips have been largely nipped and are now less than 1/2 the size they used to be.
If you are interested in seeing the entire story I have posted all of my pictures in albums by year on my Facebook profile.
Onward and Downward y'all!
2011 is when I get to goal. How about you? Wanna join me?